Sunday, June 11, 2006

untitled

One of my biggest struggles, if you can call it that, with my faith and God is the feeling that maybe He has let go of His plans for me. Maybe somewhere along the lines those plans changed, or too much happened, or He simply decided to use someone else for that journey. It is a feeling that at its strongest has unnerved me. In my head I know that God brings to completion all that He has started. There are verses to confirm that nothing can rip me from his grip, and that before I was created I was intimately known. I also know that there is an aching in my soul that tells me that I have yet to find "home". I am waiting for God to bring me there; to show me what this life inside of me was meant for, how he designed to use it, and why my heart comes to life at certain moments in ways that I can not ignore. I believe my search is not in vain and that in his timing (which is always the phrase that has challenged me the most) He will reveal that to me. I do not claim that Costa Rica is the "answer" to so many of my missions questions, or that it is even a piece. What God does with and through Costa Rica will be significant on its own. But I do recognize through His timing and this trip, that God does not forget the desires of your heart- no matter how much time has passed.

Sharing The Experience,
-Shan

3 comments:

David Ogilvie said...

I really enjoyed your post and Philips below as well. It is neat to read of your faith and your willingness to follow God. I see the eagerness and strength in both of you, but do you ever wonder if that strength is not just "divine" or on faith? I believe that both of you have the strength to do this trip on your own and learn all you need to from it to better prepare yourselves for your future. I don't think that you are just bouncing around in a direction that God intends. I think God intends for you both to do your own searching, bouncing, and He intends all of us to make "mistakes" and learn from them. By doing this we are in a much better position to teach and meet our "students" at face level.

So, is this strengh and eagerness that you both have come from faith that God will take care of everything, or is it naturally in you to do this. Are you blindly bouncing through a life that God has planned out for you or are you searching out your own life, with the help of Gods teachings, making mistakes, learning from them, and in the end giving back something that you learned from those experiences?

Ana Massey said...

Hey there Shannon,
Your posting reminding me of a quote from The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver... "Right now I'm living in hope, running down its hallway and touching the walls on both sides".
I thought you would appreciate it.
Talk to you later, Ana.

Phil & Shan Ogilvie said...

So sorry that It took me so long to respond David.

First to address - yes, I am dependent on God, and probably more that you know, I sincerely believe that I can't live this life to the fullest and with the fullest Joy that i have today with out a true and intimate relationship with God. (I tried it for 18 years, it wasn't as good, I promise) As far as this trip - with out God traveling is possible, you see that all the time, but i can not make the impact for Christ that I want to make with out full dependency on Him and His Holy Spirit that lives inside me. God has given me the power to make an impact for him wherever I choose to go.(Acts 1:8)

That brings me to the "bouncing around." Going to Costa Rica, on Staff with FCA, Going to El Salvador is all MY Choice. I choose to do all these things. There are other opportunities that I can pursue but I choose these ones - why? Because I feel, (through Prayer, time in His word, advising from close friends) that this is the direction that God has for me. Shannon and I have talked about this a lot and believe whole heartedly that our next step together in this life is to go to Costa Rica.
So, it's not bouncing around aimlessly but with purpose, choosing to follow a certain direction that we feel God is leading us. God’s direction will be the greatest direction for us. Now, I believe there are other direction, very good directions that we could go, and God will use us non the less, but I believe that there is always a "best way" unless otherwise directed. (I have examples of those as well.)

My Strength and eager ness comes from God, and it is natural - in us - because we are all made by God. So if I am strong in something it's because god made me that way - It all comes from God.

Finally, as far as mistakes Go, I believe all mistakes are choices that we have had and for some reason we chose incorrectly. It's our choice and we must reap the consequences. (I'll call it what it is - sin) Here's what is so cool - God loves me anyway, and chose to love me no matter what mistakes I make and he will use those mistakes for His Glory, which often means I receive some benefit from my mistakes in the future. (Again, many, many, SO many examples)

This is a great conversation that will have to be shared over a long evening, great meal, a bottle of wine that you choose - you know the drill.

Love you bro
Your dependent brother,
Phil